it's been a long time since i last blogged...it was due to the fact tht so much stuff was happenin to me and around me, tht i did not have the time to update the blog. in the last blog i mentioned tht i went to the f1 race and all...but since then life has been like a ride on a ship in storm, more downs than ups...and now i feel like a captain of a sinkin ship.
was readin blogs by akhil and rash, and wen i read it i realised wat i was missin on. i agree with akhil on many things, the need to have a heart to heart talk with someone...especially wen ur away from ur family and frnds. and past many weeks, i was thinkin wats left in life to accomplish...business wise, yes i feel very much obligated to fulfill my parents dreams, but personally i dont feel like thr's anythin to achieve.
it gets back to the question wat u want from life? is it money, success, happiness, love, name and fame, glory..wat?? wen i was in school i dreamt of becomin an engg and then get a mba degree, i am an engg, and close to get a mba degree, but wat after tht?
as a person, i am just alive, i feel like life is passin by me and i am just a spectator watchin it go right past me. i feel cold inside, heartless, no feelings for anythin, death would be a welcome relief now, but tht wouldnt so easily, will it? i dont feel likin anythin, not havin love for anythin i feel so empty inside...
and strangely enough, i feel like fallin in love with someone all over again. yeah, yeah..i was in and out of it sometime back. and the lesson i learnt from it never give ur heart to any1, its the most precious thing and if u do give it, make sure its the right person u give it to. gettin deviated from the topic.
as i was sayin tht although i dont feel any emotions, includin anger (as rash would say)...but i feel disappointed abt me not accomplishin anythin in life, on my own. and suddenly feelin to be in love and be loved, i dont know wat the heck is happenin to me. i dont want to feel all the pain and be hurt again, as i was some time back. also i dont want to complicate my life. i love my freedom and the responsibility. and a girl can make it more complicated and complex. i apologise to any gals whom may be offended, but i am not being a sexist.
life has changed me a lot, as one of my best frnds, said arihant u have become more matured and mellowed a lot. i'd say i have become like a rose without its fragrance, a bird without its song, its like somethin, a part of me has died and can never come back. i wanted to say this for a long time, but just cudnt say it.
i tried to be a nice human being. but it didnt work out. i tried to be a bad person, failed miserably. tried to enjoy new life here in melbourne, could not do it. and i dont know wat i have become?
i just dont feel like livin sometimes. sometimes i wonder, y do we struggle all our life to do somethin, wen we know tht eventually we are goin to die. y cant we just do things tht gives us happinness, not from criminal or sadistic point of view. if u have read the poem daffodils, then u'll probably understand wat i am talkin abt.
i may have probably mixed everythin here, but this is how i feel....
was readin blogs by akhil and rash, and wen i read it i realised wat i was missin on. i agree with akhil on many things, the need to have a heart to heart talk with someone...especially wen ur away from ur family and frnds. and past many weeks, i was thinkin wats left in life to accomplish...business wise, yes i feel very much obligated to fulfill my parents dreams, but personally i dont feel like thr's anythin to achieve.
it gets back to the question wat u want from life? is it money, success, happiness, love, name and fame, glory..wat?? wen i was in school i dreamt of becomin an engg and then get a mba degree, i am an engg, and close to get a mba degree, but wat after tht?
as a person, i am just alive, i feel like life is passin by me and i am just a spectator watchin it go right past me. i feel cold inside, heartless, no feelings for anythin, death would be a welcome relief now, but tht wouldnt so easily, will it? i dont feel likin anythin, not havin love for anythin i feel so empty inside...
and strangely enough, i feel like fallin in love with someone all over again. yeah, yeah..i was in and out of it sometime back. and the lesson i learnt from it never give ur heart to any1, its the most precious thing and if u do give it, make sure its the right person u give it to. gettin deviated from the topic.
as i was sayin tht although i dont feel any emotions, includin anger (as rash would say)...but i feel disappointed abt me not accomplishin anythin in life, on my own. and suddenly feelin to be in love and be loved, i dont know wat the heck is happenin to me. i dont want to feel all the pain and be hurt again, as i was some time back. also i dont want to complicate my life. i love my freedom and the responsibility. and a girl can make it more complicated and complex. i apologise to any gals whom may be offended, but i am not being a sexist.
life has changed me a lot, as one of my best frnds, said arihant u have become more matured and mellowed a lot. i'd say i have become like a rose without its fragrance, a bird without its song, its like somethin, a part of me has died and can never come back. i wanted to say this for a long time, but just cudnt say it.
i tried to be a nice human being. but it didnt work out. i tried to be a bad person, failed miserably. tried to enjoy new life here in melbourne, could not do it. and i dont know wat i have become?
i just dont feel like livin sometimes. sometimes i wonder, y do we struggle all our life to do somethin, wen we know tht eventually we are goin to die. y cant we just do things tht gives us happinness, not from criminal or sadistic point of view. if u have read the poem daffodils, then u'll probably understand wat i am talkin abt.
i may have probably mixed everythin here, but this is how i feel....
posted by Arihant | 9:34 PM
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