What I Feel...

I had this mixed feeling abt how would it be to live by urself, no family, no frnds, ur on ur own. Have the freedom, ability to do watever u wanna do. And u kinda of start likin this way of livin. U know wat to do and wat not to do, become independent. And then suddenly someone wants to stop u from doin wat u want to do, take away the freedom. u dont live for urself, but for others. Sometimes i feel like shoutin and sayin, this is my life, i'll live the way i want it, not the way u or others want it, especially relatives. Wat the heck, cant i live my life my way?

was alone for quite a while and was listenin to heartbeat from kal ho na ho. And i went down the memory lane and it goes back only till 7th class in school. while thinkin abt the past, i am not able to think of one moment i was truly happy, in bliss, satisfied or contend, at peace with myself. Not tht i was not happy, but they were very rare moments. i'd like to thank some of my frnds anirudh, rash, akhil, yuggi, avani, rajji, kallu and few others for givin some moments of happiness in other wise a bleak and melachonly life of mine.

In melbourne, one of my classmates said to me, y cant u be happy..its like u spreadin depression to everyone. i asked wats thr to be happy abt? its like i have forgotten the meanin of being happy. not like chillin out with frnds, catchin up a movie or somethin like tht. But being at peace with urself, being satisified, contend. and wen thinkin abt y i do feel this way, i get back only 1 answer, i am empty, dead and cold inside, as if some part of me is missin. as if i am incomplete and waitin for some1 to fill it.

wats the use of livin life, wen u dont have any purpose to live for? wen thr's no cause worth fightin for? but then i have to remind myself tht i owe my life and everythin to my parents, coz for them i am everythin...more than money or anythin else. its coz of them, i am wat i am today. i know wat sacrifices they have made so that i can be happy, and not get hurt in any way. This is the probably only thought tht keeps me goin, keepin me alive. i know i cant repay my parents for wat they did in makin me a good, worthy human being. only thing i can do this keep them happy and look after them to the best of my abilities.

As the old sayin goes, "mata, pita, guru, deva bhavo". if for nothin else, i remind myself tht i have to live for my parents.